Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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