and she was petting her beer can
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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