yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
