I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
