Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
