I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
