I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
