guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
