my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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