Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
