the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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