That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
