Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
3 2 1 whiskey
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
