All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm too high and old for this...
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