You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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