Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
