no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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