glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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