pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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