Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
