Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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