I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
