david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
