your room smells of hookers.
And success
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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