I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
