Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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