Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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