hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
