Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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