he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
