I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
