I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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