I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
