Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
worst night to have a conscience
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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