why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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