i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
