Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
