What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
