bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
