i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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