3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
