i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
