I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
