Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
