Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
