dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You may now shotgun with the bride
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
