that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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