Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
