i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
