I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
